Oh, you know, just plantin' seeds.

Hey guysssssss. I know it's been a hot minute since I've updated (I'm sure you all 2 of you missed me dearly), but I've been extremely busy the past few weeks. I took the ACT (I haven't gotten my scores back yet, but I will say the ACT has my name tattooed on his ass cheeks), I moved (I'M SO HAPPY), and I had a real "prayer meeting" with my parents.

Okay so right now the ACT stuff isn't as important as the other stuff, so I'll talk about that stuff first.
Alright, about the moving: I have never been so happy in my entire life. Ugh. I'm just so content. I am satisfied and I am content. MY LIFE IS AWESOME OKAY

Last night, I did something that I've needed to do since I moved out of my parent's house. I called and attempted to tell them how badly they've messed me up. I used to get so so so mad at everything for no good reason. And I could never figure out why. But last night, I came to the realization that it's because I used to get in trouble for NO GOOD REASON. So I was just continuing the cruel, cruel cycle by becoming infuriated with myself and everyone around me at the drop of a hat.

I called, and started laying into my stepfather. He's the man that has haunted me my entire life. I felt so tortured by him when I was a kid. I truly believe that he took my family away from me. He took my mother away from me. And last night, I told him where he could stick it. He hung up on me, which tells me that he knows I'm right. He knows that he took away my childhood. He knows what he did, no matter how hard he tries to deny it. I have power over him now. I am stronger, smarter, and certainly more attractive (don't act like you don't know) than him. I've never believed it until today.
My mother called back and tried to argue with me, and she said "Halley, I can't talk to you when you're distraught."

To which I said, "Mother, I'm not upset. I have something to say to him, and he isn't hearing it." I decided to not let her feel like I was just upset and having a tantrum. I wouldn't let her get away with talking to me like I was still 6 years old. I felt really good about yelling and screaming at them. I don't regret it at all. Mr. Rojas may have hung up on me, but he knows. He knows how badly he hurt me.

Sometimes all you have to do is plant a seed.

Oh, you were searching for a post with meaning? Keep it movin'.

Sidebar for you guys before I get started: It seems people that work at Starbucks take themselves far too seriously. Not all of them, but some of them. I wonder why.
ANYWAY.

I hope you're all doing wonderfully this last day of September. I know I am.
My life is so different than it's ever been before, and normally, it would infuriate me, but right now, I'm concentrating on enjoying it. I'm trying to focus on making each and every single day the best day possible.
This morning, for example, I woke up before the alarm with a smile on my face. I just felt so freaking good. I don't know why, but I'm not questioning it. I've had a great, great, great day.

I'm pretty satisfied with how things are going right now. I couldn't ask for better friends, a better partner, or a better plan for my life. This post is pretty useless, but I warned you in the title.

Also, the song "Black and Yellow" is dumb but catchy as hell.

Until next time, guys,

-Halley

PS, I hate it when I see pretty girls with dumb hair. I'm always like, "Oh, you ALMOST had it. You were rull rull close, boo. No cigar."

Haters Gonna Hate

Okay, so I know that my quitting my job and deciding to go to school isn't really THAT big of a deal. I mean, who do I think I am?
Well, whatever. I'm very much like the rest of the population in that my favorite thing to talk about is me. So I'm gonna do it. And for whatever reason, you're going to read about it. No one's forcing you. ;)

So about the job thing:
I understand that my job was in no way important or a big deal or any of that. But it took a lot of balls to quit. No notice, no nothin'. Just straight up quit. Sort of like, "Oh yeah? I quit."
HA. Can I tell you guys that I was in the best mood after I quit? For real. It's sad that I let my BS job have that much influence and power over my life, but I did. I had dreams about sandwiches. And not in the good way.
I'm sure a lot of people (or all three of you reading this, whichever) are wondering why exactly I quit. It couldn't have been that bad, right?
As far as coworkers and management and responsibilities go, the job was easy as pie. Seriously. The easiest job I've ever had and ever will have.
But I quit my job because I absolutely could not work there one more day. As I mentioned before, on Friday (my last shift), I looked at my coworkers, my supervisors, and their lives, and I wanted to cry. I tried to explain to my boss that I was stressing about a lot of stuff and that I really didn't know how I could come in the next time I was scheduled, but he laughed. HE LAUGHED. Seriously. And I understand that he's under a lot of stress himself, but when one of your employees tells you something like that, common sense tells you to listen. But whatever. I deserve better, he does too.

I just couldn't. I'd been feeling that way for weeks and I finally just grew a pair and quit. It was selfish, sure. As I've said before, it will probably come back to bite me, but as of right now, I'm the happiest I've been in a while.

The thing that sucks the most about quitting a job after it's taken you like a month to get up the balls to do so is burning bridges. I made a pretty good friend there, but now it doesn't matter. Apparently I'm doing nothing with my life. Well, that's fine.
Feel that way. But know there are a few things that you need to understand before you go calling me out so cleverly.

• I will be something great.
• You're better than Firehouse Subs. Get out of there. Stop being childish and do some actual work. I understand that you're great friends with Matt and it's an easy job and whatever, but christ, are you going to work there forever?
• You don't know what I've been through. How dare you act like you have even the slightest inkling. How dare you.
• You always jump on everyone's dick about their attitude when yours is the one that is hardly tolerable.
  
  So anyway, back to the point of this post: why I quit my job, because I'm sure you're all dying to know. I quit my job because it made me hate myself. I could see myself turning into my mother with every passing day, and if you know anything about my family, that is something I absolutely will not do. I'll be somebody, and it'll be thanks to me.
  
  Oh, one more thing before I end this long-winded, roundabout post: my biggest pet peeve is when someone says I'm "young and dumb." Oh my god, I cannot tell you how mad that makes me. Them's fightin' words. I'm doing more with my life already and I'm years younger than you. I moved away from everything I knew to a new city where I knew one person. I dropped my family, I lost friends, and I came here with nothing. Objectively speaking, I know I'm something great already. Don't tell me I'm not.
  /rant over
  
  Until next time,
  Halley
  

And so it begins

Today, I quit my sub-par job at a sub shop.
Was it irresponsible? Yes.
Will it probably come back to bite me in the ass? Yes.

But let me explain my reasons (and I have quite a few):
I hated myself for working there. I looked around at my coworkers a few days ago, looked at their lives, and thought to myself, "No way in hell am I going to work another shift here." And I'm pretty determined, so I made it happen.
Let me really quick apologize to my boss; the way I quit was freaking stupid: I'm sorry, Matt. You deserved better, but then again, so did I. For God's sake, man...get out of the sandwich business. You have a beautiful family and a degree you can actually use. Make something of yourself. You've worked hard for what? A reputation in Atlanta for making a mean sandwich? You are better than that. Good luck.
I have very recently started surrounding myself with young, professional, successful people and I want nothing more than to be as proud of myself as I am of them. Having wonderful, established, professional friends has it's fair share of benefits and pitfalls.
The benefits:

• Surrounding myself with people I want to be like sets a fire under my ass...it reminds me of what I have the ability to be.
• They're on my level. They're smart and they know what they want out of life.
• They make me look good.
• People see us all together and they assume that I'm one of them.
• They think I'm just as intelligent and able as they are.

The pitfalls:

•  They are 6 and 7 years older than me...sometimes I forget that I'm only 19 because I don't feel it. I'm getting grey hair. That being said, I often look at their accomplishments and compare them to my own (I have very few) and begin to hate myself even more.
•  Having to tell people that I work at a sub shop after they've just told me how genuine and mature I am is probably one of the most depressing things ever. Especially when it's people I don't know very well. People seem disappointed. And I shouldn't let random people have such power over me, but they do and I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to let them be what they are: random and often unimportant.

I wake up every morning and I hate myself for having a bullshit job; for working hard and getting no recognition; for wanting to be in school but instead riding my bike across town to work with a bunch of kids who's biggest worries include how drunk they can get in between shifts and how many times they can sneak in the bathroom to call their weed man. I'M BETTER THAN THAT, DAMMIT. And most of them are, too. They just don't know or care.

I went home to South Carolina a couple of weeks ago and saw my grandparents. My girlfriend, Kristin, was with me. Within like...ten minutes of meeting her they're telling me how I'm going to be like my mother and how they're so disappointed in me. I have a strange relationship with my mother and my father...I love them both very much, but I have no respect for them. I will never, ever be like them, and the fact that my grandparents think I will makes me want to explode.


Yesterday, I went to my girlfriend's parents house with her to watch football with her dad while she went and worked for a bit. Her mother is very excited about me going to school and gave me workbooks for the ACT. Watching her explain it all to me, I realized how much I missed out on. I realized how little my mother actually cared. And I cried. It was embarrassing, but it made me feel that much more determined to make myself happy and proud. I cried for my younger sister. I cried for myself. I cried for my mother. I cried for all the things I possibly missed out on.
Had it not been for her not knowing how to sculpt me for college, I may not be in Atlanta. I may be doing something completely different with my life.
I'm not happy with where I am, but you can bet your ass I'm happy with where I'm going.
This will be a difficult journey. I will curse, I will cry, I will fail, and I will fall down. But I'll get back up.

I hope you all enjoy reading about this journey as much as I will enjoy partaking in it.

-Halley